The Littlest Whitaker: Month Seven

Dear Wren,

Hello, Love. I have to say: what a difference a month makes. At your six-month birthday, I was really in the "depths of despair", to quote one of my favorite literature heroines. But, for the past week, your sleeping has shown such a marked improvement that I'm almost afraid of saying it out loud for fear of jinxing it.

I also have a confession to make. The way we finally got you to sleep was probably my worst nightmare come true. But, it appears to have worked, and you are SUCH a better person. You are in a better mood during the day, and you take long, restful naps. And ME.... oh, my God, Daddy probably things I've secretly started taking recreational drugs, because I'm in such a BETTER PLACE now.

I'll tell you what it came down to.... after we had been trying for two weeks to do the "cry it out" thing... it still wasn't working, as you read about in my last letter. One night, after several nights of you screaming for an hour at a time, I looked at Daddy, and I looked at myself, and I looked at the situation, and suddenly, I knew that I had to remove myself. I simply, utterly could NOT do it anymore. So, I told Daddy, "I'm putting in my earplugs." And I did. And, I let you cry. I'm not sure how long you cried, and I do not ever want to know. The thought of leaving you there to cry still breaks my heart to pieces. But, it was what I had to do. The next morning, I practically flew to your room to get you and make sure you were still alive and still would look at me. You greeted me with one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen, and I literally wept with remorse at what I'd done, but it slowly sunk in that you seemed to be okay. And you still seemed to love me.

The next night, when you started screaming, it was a tiny bit easier to put in my earplugs... again, I do not know how long you cried, but the next morning, you seemed even better than the previous morning.

For the next few nights, whenever your crying started, I would pop in my plugs and say a silent prayer, "Please let it end."

And, finally, one night, I didn't have to put in the earplugs. Because you never woke.

And, you've been doing that for several nights now. You might cry out briefly in your sleep, but you don't seem to be waking all the way up, and you always settle down immediately. And, as I said, you seem like a new person.

Granted, you also got your first tooth this weekend. So, that could've been the source of some of your discomfort that has now been relieved. Maybe when the next tooth comes, you'll start the crying again, but at least I'll know what it is and I can somehow help you (like, by giving you tylenol or something). But, when it was just hours of you screaming and up every two hours, I was in no place to even logically evaluate the situation. I feel like now if you cry, there is probably a real reason, and I will know that and deal with it. I feel like that now I am getting more sleep, I am a better mother, and more capable of being and providing what YOU need from me.

Anyway, I'm sure a lot of people would take exception to the way I've dealt with you, but I'm convinced now that every baby is different and every situation is different, and a parent has to do what will maintain their sanity and perspective. I honestly had done everything I knew to do, and it was the very last resort. But, it seems to have worked, and I just want to move forward from here.

On to other topics:

You are so close to crawling!! You get up on all fours and rock back and forth and grin like a lunatic. It is almost like you're thinking, "Mama, check it out! Look what I'm doing all by myself!!" It is really cute. Also, sometimes you push up just on your hands and feet, sort of in a low "down-dog" position. That is pretty funny, because once you get there, you sort of look around like, "Okay, now what?" I know that any day now, you'll be zooming around the house. Yikes!

You also, as I said, got your first tooth peeking out. I only discovered it today. You've been loving eating real (pureed) food. Grammy gave you some pieces of a french fry today, and you enjoyed that, too. You also love your apple juice. I guess you inherited that trait from your Aunt Beanie.

Also, you love, absolutely LOVE to be naked. But, hey, who doesn't?!? I all I know, is when I let you play on the floor naked on a blanket, you seem to have an absolute ball. It is so cute. I think you must feel "liberated" or something.